what the hell is all this about?

I have thoughts, and I am writing them, in hopes they will help another person. Every “successful” thing I’ve contributed, has been preceded by a heavy surge of not knowing, and so that is where I am at now. In the not knowing.

Here’s what I do know:

  1. We are all connected. When you hurt, I hurt. When you feel joy, I feel joy. Vice-versa. Rinse, repeat.
  2. The conscious vision of love is expanding rapidly, with different terms of sets of agreements rolling out by the second, in the framework of sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship orientation, and many more things. This gives room for more opportunities for connection, growth, and LOVE.
  3. Every person on this planet is “enough” because they exist. No one is less than another person. This sort of ranking viewpoint is illusory.
  4. My purpose in life is to spread the word of the importance of self-connection and resultant joy.
  5. I am appreciative of you for reading all of this.

There’s much more to say and at this point, I am in silence — but there is more coming. This just got real…

you don’t have to explain why

So much energy wasted.

On the reading, on the scrolling, on the note-taking, on the worrying, on the opinion-asking, on the disclaimer-ing, on the feeling guilty-ing, on the eggshell walking, on the needing approval-ing, on the ask for permission-ing, on the self-shaming, on the OTHERS shaming, on the justifying, on the backtracking, on the…

Let me just ask you a question. Is it so? Is it so that you have a goal? A dream, a vision, a desire, a want?

Is it so?

If it is so, then the only reason you need for it to be worthy, is the fact that it exists.

We are born, so we are worthy. The same goes for our ideas, thoughts, wishes, dreams, hopes, loves, and visions.

Move forward in your truth. Use your energy differently, wisely. Go forth and actualize, alchemize.

You belong here and we’ve been waiting for you.

5 unconventional ways to mitigate, and even erase, depression vibes

The one thing I notice when I feel low, depressed, considering ending my own life (these ideations are more common than one might thing — NOT A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL, AM AN EXPERIENCER OF AFOREMENTIONED CONDITION), is that I am without creativity. There is no gray. All is black, or all is white.

It occurred to me one day,  to STOP READING THE ADVICE OF OTHER PEOPLE, and infuse creativity into my present existence, whenever I began to feel low.

Could it work? I thought. Well, I replied to myself — “as I always say, the old way hasn’t been working, so what is there to lose?”

These are at least five things I came up with. Maybe I’ll write a book about this one day.

  • Hang upside off your bed

I teach kids. Kids like to be upside down. Things look weird upside down. Weird means different. This disrupts the “black and white” thinking.

  • Take Part in Ecstatic Dance 

Google “ecstatic dance” and you will find out what this is about if you don’t already. There’s something about dancing around people who you don’t have to talk to, and who will definitely not talk to you, that makes it really hard to dissassociate from yourself. With the music, and the lack of alcohol, you are totally present in your emotions…which, by nature, are always in motion. Once again, when connected and present to yourself in your current ever-in-flux state, you will be reminded that you aren’t just one thing. You are many. So, so, so many…

  • Lie down on concrete, preferably on a busy sidewalk

I took this idea from someone, but they presented it as an ego-eliminator. Here, I present it to you as yet another grounding technique. Concrete = ground. Sitting, or even standing, is not comparable to the effect of having your entire body flush with earth. And guess what happens when you open your eyes — you see the sky. See how expansive that shit is? That is your soul, your being, your life, the potential and possibility of everything and everyone. This too shall pass…

  • Go cuddle puppies

If I have to explain how this is helpful, um….

  • Abandon all digital devices

Once upon a time I went to Camp Grounded, a summer camp for adults where you turn in your cell phones / laptops / palm pilots (??) / watches  and you’re away in some pretty looking places with a nickname and other humans who go by names that aren’t their real names and it’s really … exhaling. Yes, I’m using that as an adjective now. This is an experience that can be implemented at home — ditch the devices for a day. If a day is too much, how about no devices until noon? There have been many studies that have shown the ill effects of being so CONNECTED to the world wide web, or others in whatever capacity, making it hard for us to connect to ourselves. So when we experience deep emotions, is it so surprising that we are unable to handle it?

Leave your iPhone at home and go hug a tree. Or a stranger. Or an alpaca.

Sometimes, we don’t have to dwell and ruminate on the thoughts that are bringing us down, we can explore other foreign techniques and add to them to our experience in an effort to shift our perspective and widen the scape of our focus.

Everything the light touches is ours…

there is lonely, and then there is alone

Lonely inhabits a space of self-dislike, self-hatred, self-confusion, self-diffidence, pretense, fear, sadness, DISCONNECTION…so much disconnection, often, with oneself, a feeling of exile, a feeling of not belonging, a feeling of punishment, a feeling of “other”, of being weird, of aching, of being devoid of something, of lack. So much lack. You cannot be lonely without lack.

Alone is quite literally…with self. And only self. And it DOES NOT have to imply the former, the loneliness…the lack of self-worth, connection to others. Being alone does not imply that you are weird or sad or pitiable or less worthy. Alone is an opportunity to recharge (and be naked, as you expected me to point out), to play Solitaire, to connect with self. You cannot be alone with another person.

You can be lonely with another person, with other people.

the transformative nature of solitude

I like to be alone. I like walking into my apartment after a day of doing all that needs doing, and taking off all of my clothes. I like being naked, alone, in my apartment. I like putting back to ground. Earthing, grounding myself. Who said it, that “you better be sweeter than my solitude” line? I don’t really think of being alone in that way. I don’t really compare it to being with other people. Because I love socializing with other people. I like deep conversations with people. I like dancing with other people who are dancing, who are listening to and getting their minds exploded by the same life-changing lyrics and beats. I like that.

But it is only in solitude…that I can recalibrate. That I can be reminded of what I am meant to do, supposed to do, wont to do. You see, things like social media are an (extroverted) introvert’s dream. I can be connected to people and in conversation with people without ever having to leave my apartment, or having to clothe myself.

Oh, that’s why I like social media, the internet.

I believe every person has a purpose in life — and it’s not necessarily some ROLE, or position, or ACTIVITY. It can be a feeling. Like a feeling, that no matter what, is YOUR feeling to cultivate within, and share with others.

No purpose in life can be realized without a consistent habit of intentional solitude. As much solitude as I experience in my life, my biggest fear still haunts me:


I define boredom as…thinking back to my past habits….not having anything to learn or think about. But everything needs rest. The brain needs rest. The brain cannot be toiling over new information every hour of its existence.

So solitude. Away from the updates of others’ lives, away from the opinions and unsolicited advice from your parents and other family members, away from the well-intended advice of your lovers and best friends, who frankly really have no fucking idea what you are trying to create.

Solitude. Be. And Be. And Be. And Then, Maybe…Listen.

in the moonlight

black boys look blue

This is my first post, and I’m replacing the stock words from WordPress with a quote from one of the best films of 2016, Moonlight. If you haven’t watched the film, find a way to make time for it.

The magic of touch and intimacy can heal a life. More on that later…